Not A Daddy’s Little Girl

Father and Daughter by ~hlocko

You know how some people will always be their daddy’s or mommy’s little girl? Well, suffice to say I’m neither one nor will I ever be. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents and they love me, and I think we pretty much have an okay relationship – albeit not as wholesome as Little House on The Prairie. We’re not huggy-lovey kinda family, basically. But we – I – manage to get by most of the times.

Tonight wasn’t one of those times.

I was feeling pretty sick the whole day. I haven’t been feeling like myself lately, hence my absence from the blogosphere these past few days. I was nauseous, lethargic, bloated, achy, sore, and just irritable. So when dad started to yell around, I was in no mood nor capability to ‘behave like how a good daughter should to her respected father’.

It started with these loud noises coming from the neighbors, like a thumping sound as if someone who was doing construction work in the middle of the night. It was annoying, yes. It was loud, yes. It was impolite and rude, yes. But I still didn’t think those were the right reasons for my dad to just suddenly yelled “QUIET!” from the living room!

Okay, he needs anger management. First of all, we didn’t even know from which neighbor the noise came from. Secondly, what’s wrong with going next door and tap on their door and asked casually “Hey, what’s up, are you fixing things up there? Coz, it’s really loud here at my house. Can you tone it done until tomorrow?” What’s wrong with that? Why the sudden burst of scream – jolting everyone here in this house out of their seats?? Third, who the hell was he screaming to? None of the suspected neighbor was gonna hear his scream anyway. He was in our small and couped up living room for noise’ sake!

So I did what every irritable-nauseous-annoyed-not-in-her-sound-mind daughter does. I yelled back at him,

“Can you NOT scream?!!”

And he yelled again, “It was NOISY!”

And I yelled again, “You REALLY need anger management don’t you?!!

And he yelled again, “I’ll do what I WANNA DO!!”

And to that I yelled again, “What’s the use of screaming when they CAN’T HEAR YOU?!!”

And it went on and on and on… and my poor mother was just helplessly trying to calm me down in between those shouts, saying softly, “okay..it’s okay..no need to fight..please..please…” in vein, of course.

So after that I dramatically got up from my computer desk and went to my room without saying a word and locked my door – intentionally slamming the door loudly as to make a more dramatic effect – and didn’t come out until I heard he went to his room to sleep.

Perhaps a well-behaved daughter would’ve handled it differently. But I’m in no delusion to claim that I am. My parents, especially my dad isn’t the warmest person in the world. He’s rigid, cold, old-fashioned, reserved, introvert, silent, detach kind of person. He always was. Not the easiest person to be around with. I was never close to him even when I was little. But he had more control of his emotions and never had emotional outbursts when I was younger. Whether it’s old age or what, I just don’t like it. And I doubt my ability to pretend that I do, even if it’s expected of me as ‘how a good daughter should be’.

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~ by CuppySkully on March 10, 2011.

5 Responses to “Not A Daddy’s Little Girl”

  1. baby 😦

  2. *peluk!*

  3. Perhaps he is pining after long lost dreams. Perhaps they never used to haunt him as much. Strange as it sounds, I’ll stand up for him and suggest this has less to do with you being as a good daughter should and perhaps more about how he wishes he could be, or could have been. Ask him. Anyway, I don’t think you did anything wrong. Nothing to feel guilty about there.

  4. i often snap at my dad. it’s not that i don’t love him, it’s just he can be so infuriating! in retrospect, i always promise myself to be calmer the next time. but it can be hard!

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