It’s The Journey–Not The Destination, But The Journey is Crap!

Bumpy_Ride_by_antontang

They say, it’s about the journey – not the destination.

I’m not gonna go on a full rant about how incorrect that expression is, coz in some way and in some cases that is true. Like when I’m riding a little blue motorbike on the small roads through the mountains passing through green rice fields with the cold breeze blowing my hair… I dont really care about the destination coz it’s that joyride that matters, that journey of simply being on that little blue motorbike is all that matters.

In some cases..

But on other cases, I just want this to be over with. I want to arrive on that day when I can finally turn the page to a new chapter. Leave this old-full-of-drama-non-sense-9-to-6-cubicle routine behind me. Again, this whole “it’s not how I envisioned it to be” ambiance has made me feel like it’s pointless to even try to savor ‘the journey’. The journey is crap.

I find myself keep counting the days. Today is officially Day Minus 22. Twenty two more days before this all ends. Before I no longer have to deal with the drama, the gossips, the ‘is-it-okay-if-I-talk-to-you’, the ‘can-I-trust-your-words-or-not’, the ‘just-do-what-i-told-you-to-do-coz-i’m-your-boss’, and all that jazz.

The sad thing is, it wasn’t always like this. I honestly thought I had made real great friends. Maybe I’m naturally too easily trusting. Maybe I should’ve been more careful in who I befriended, who I talked to, what I talked about. Maybe. But then again, I am not someone who likes to regret things. I always try to remind myself that shit happens and when shit happens it’s gonna be shitty but then you move on. I’m just so willing to move on right now, in twenty two days.

So why am I so bothered about this, if it’s only just another shit in a life consisting of series of shits? I guess, the people who know me best can say that I’m an all-or-nothing kinda person. Well, most of the times anyway. And aside from that, I’m an easily traumatized person. When I meet new friends, I’m not the kinda person who can put guards or limitations. If I feel good about that person, I’ll be me all the way. And when shit happens, most of the times I find it difficult to be ‘okay’ again. When my words are misconstrued, I’d rather not say anything ever again. I did my best. I gave it a shot. In the end, I’m just not a pretentious person. I cant play ‘nice’ when I dont feel like being nice or when I simply dont feel nice or at all.

Am I taking the wrong turn in this so-called journey? Am I letting my fear and trauma get the best of me and sacrificing friendships? Heck, I dont even care anymore. I just want to this damned journey to end. This time, it’s all about the destination. Adios!

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~ by CuppySkully on February 7, 2011.

6 Responses to “It’s The Journey–Not The Destination, But The Journey is Crap!”

  1. I enjoyed reading your post and saw that you were very frustrated 😦 it’s def. ok to feel a little overwhelmed and wonder when the journey will end.

    From what I read,though, you seem like a very strong woman who will use this particular experience to empower others. I would love to see what you write after day 22 to see how you used the “mess” that you’ve gone through help others get through theirs. Do you think, at the end, you could give us a list on how we can cope and take the difficult experiences on the journey to become better once we reach the destination?

    IDK, I just think your story is wonderful (although you may not feel like it now lol). I always say, if you will get that upset about something, it could very well be your passion! And, that passion could be used to help inspire other people πŸ™‚

    Have a great day and week!

    Lakia

    • Thank you Lakia. It’s comforting to know that you have faith in me simply from reading my writing. I know good things will come, I guess I just need time to vent everything out first. Thx again for stopping by.

  2. all ‘necessary’ shits you will sure need to make you see what your eyes couldn’t see, your ears couldn’t hear, your heart couldn’t feel.. i’ll wait until you’ll finally be freed from all those.. n let’s hv a nice CRAB FIESTA, shall we??

  3. Victory is always so much sweeter for having tasted failure. And failure does taste like shit.

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